Doggedly Pursuing His Person
While I train dogs, God trains me. He talks to me, anyway. On my good days, I actually hear him…
Today, God used an Aussiedoodle, to remind me of His relentless pursuit of us.
Before training puppies, I was a social worker. I loved social work. Some aspects of the job, however, I did not love. I love helping people. I did not love the rules, regulations and pounds of policies that had to be adhered to, slogged through really, in order to serve the families that fueled my desire to become a social worker. Case files, though much lighter now due to the advent of computers, are no less tedious for my compassionate and determined niece, who now carries the social work torch that I confidently placed in her hands. She helps children of families in crisis now. While I train puppies.
The biggest difference in working with dogs and the people who love them as opposed to another group is that, as dog folks, we already share a passion. For if you are not passionate about dogs, your dog, especially; you have no reason to hire me, a puppy trainer. This shared passion often culminates in new found friendships.
About Marley
One such dog who brought me the treasured gift of friendship is Marley. Marley is a “designer dog” and as such, he is a mess; too hyper for his own good. Marley’s human hired me to rescue her clothes. Marley’s human is a fashionista. She is often cloaked in beautiful, flowy garb that Marly loves to grab as she walks by. Before we met, Marley had destroyed too many maxis, rompers, wraps, and pant legs to count. Shoes too. Oh, the shoes he has destroyed: leather clogs, furry Uggs, strappy sandals… this dog has deconstructed every kind.
Ironically, I met Marley’s fashionista while I was shopping for clothes in a boutique owned by the fashionista, herself. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help but overhear her… “Yet another ripped dress”, she lamented to her friends. “I don’t know what to do. I love him, and I can’t stand him. But I don’t want to rehome him.
Maybe I just don’t have enough time for him. I can’t do this. He doesn’t listen to me. I can’t leave him alone for ten minutes. He just races around, destroying my shoes, my clothes, my home. Everything I have worked for. None of my other dogs ever acted like this. So, what am I going to do about Marley?”
“I’m sorry to interrupt”, I say, as I tug a business card from my purse. “I train puppies. Maybe I can help you and your puppy. I’m happy to give you re-”
“You’re hired”, she interrupts me. “Can you start tomorrow?”
Puppy Woes
We met on a Saturday. I started working with Marley on Monday. I see him three times per week. Marley is very naughty. More naughtiness than his adorable puppy pass allots him. The first time I saw him, he would not even make eye contact with me. He simply raced around the kitchen island and through the rooms of his home as if deaf and blind to us. What instigates his naughtiness is his dueling levels of intelligence and nervous energy.
Marley learns quickly and becomes bored easily. He is sensitive to the moods of the humans around him. This is not his fault as he is the product of a dam and sire who should not have been bred. We humans sure can make a mess of things when we act from self-interest, rather than breeding for temperament, conformation, job description…
At 10 weeks of age, Marley had already learned what would get him the maximum ROI. Grabbing at the clothes of your fashionista human gets you lots of attention. For a bored, intelligent, high anxiety puppy, attention is everything.
Pay Attention, See Me
After four or five weeks of training, Marley’s human and I are getting to know each other over coffee in her kitchen. She is sitting on a chair. While Marley is draped over my leg. I sit on the floor for now, to meet Marley where he is.
Three times, Marly goes to his human, stands at her knee, and looks up at her expectantly. Hopefully. Three times, she fails to notice his invitation. Three times, he returns to me, where I play tug with him, make room for him in my lap, take time to stroke his ears between sips of coffee. I make eye contact with him, telling him “Yes” each time he behaves in a pleasing manner.
In the way of new-found friends, our words, ideas, stories fill the space between us, like watercolors painting the air. We are so focused on learning about each other. We find that we both love dragonflies. Marley’s human introduces me to the story of “Waterbugs and Dragonflies”. We talk about the death of her mom. How she cared for her during those last few months of her life. The strong bond between mother and daughter. Her mom sent a dragonfly to her own wake, for her daughter, her way of saying “a piece of me is here”. A ladybug awaited her daughter when she returned home, her mom reminding “I am here too”. Her stories remind me of the dragonflies my dog, Tuxedo sends me.
Wrapped Up in Memories and To Do’s
She describes how being her mom’s caregiver was both pain-filled and beautiful. Obviously she misses her. This woman is a natural caregiver who thrives on nurturing the people she loves. Seriously, when I commented that I liked the tray on her kitchen island, she made me take it home. [The day we talked about her mom, she was preparing to become a foster parent. Today, she is caring for an eighteen month old foster child.]
Memories of her mom, plans for future foster babies, and the responsibilities of being a single, small business owner jostle for her attention; thereupon causing her to miss the young dog beckoning her. “Pay attention. See me.”
Turning Up the Volume
Marley does not give up. He continues to ask for attention. He does not hold grudges, is not spiteful. He is, however, thirsty. Insistent. His love is relentless. His offerings become louder; he paws at her shin, nips her jeans, grabs a shoe left by the back door. Whatever it takes. Aha! He is rewarded with her attention – she yells at him to drop the shoe. “Yay!”, he thinks.
I have work ahead of me; to create as many “yeses” for Marley as it takes to counteract his “bad dog” experiences. As with human children, consistent, predictable attention is as crucial as food, water & air to puppies. Marley’s human is a good, kind person. This is not her first dog, but it IS her first doodle. And her expectations are unrealistic.
Do you see where they have gone off path? So many signs Marley has given his human. Signs of his undeniable, unconditional, but also insistent love. A love greater than we, mere mortals, can envision. Maybe even more than we deserve.
What We Expect vs. What We Get
Because it doesn’t always look how we expect, we can be blind to this kind of love. Like a lot of people, Marley’s human envisions love a certain kind of way. For her, puppy love looks like fetch in the backyard, snuggles on the bed, lying quietly while she chats with a friend. Puppy interactions are on her terms. She is the human, after all. And she is busy right now. So, she misses Marley’s attempts to be a good boy. She misses his polite request for attention: the whisper of his gentle tail wag.
Fail to see a pup’s soulful stare enough times, and he’ll stop looking you in the eye. His requests will become demands. Loud ones. Marley has become relentless. What else was he to do? He is an attention-seeking baby; a 4-month-old puppy: impatient, unsophisticated, just a good boy in-training.
Then she sees him. Then. She thinks he is misbehaving. “He always misbehaves”, her voice is laced with frustration. She asks me, “Is he being spiteful? Does he have it in for me? Why does he mind you and not me?”
“He loves you so much”, I say.
“Does he? Does he love me? Maybe he hates me”, she replies.
Hate her? “Oh, my sweet friend, don’t you see? This has always been about love. Every single thing he does to get your attention is about his love for you.” Today, Marley’s fashionista was open to learning. We talked about what I had observed. How she had missed Marley’s initial polite requests. She just did not know what to look for. She’s learning how to see the quiet love of her dog. Before he gets loud.
I Am Humbled
As I drive away, I am humbled by Marley’s lesson. Of the parallels of Marley’s quiet love for his human and God’s love for me. How often do I miss the whisper of His love? Because this world distracts me. Because I expect it to look differently. Or because I want it to be on my own terms. I want Him there when I need Him. Not when I am busy being mere mortal me. Not when I am laughing over coffee with my girlfriends. I want to be the one to decide when and how we commune. And when I need Him, I need Him RIGHT NOW.
Because I make mistakes. Some of which are real doozies. Most aren’t colossal, though I usually should know better. Then, I rail at Him, at the unfairness of consequence.
“Why didn’t you intervene? How could you let this happen? Do you ever listen to me?!”
God tries to get my attention all the time. If anyone isn’t listening, it’s definitely me. God is determined though. He does not mind utilizing turmoil in effort to be heard either. Turmoil, defined as the state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty, is usually of our own making.
With fresh eyes, I see that much of the turmoil I have experienced was not due to accident on my part, but to sin. The flip side of sin; however, is consequence, not punishment.
God Is Not Punishing Us
When God determined for us what is right and what is wrong, it was not to set us up for failure. While it has felt like an impossible test many times, to me, his sin-naming is a warning.
“You have free will.” I hear Him whisper. “I have listed the sins for you.”
This is how sin works. Do it if you want. Whatever it is. Tell yourself you’re justified, deserving, hip, young, in love, entitled… Just know it will hurt. How many times have I blamed God for my hurts? Thought He was punishing me? How much time did I waste wanting to do it my way? In the end, sin hurts. Not because God punishes. God does not rebuke us. We are not being chastised by the Father. The consequence of sin is uncomfortable at best. In the New Testament, God did not say, “if you do these things, I will punish you.” He tells us to avoid sin, knowing that it will cause pain, either to ourselves or others.
Not all pain can be avoided, of course. But even unavoidable pain can be used by God to bring us and others closer to Him. We sin. Or we are sinned against. It hurts. God waits. He waits for our return, waits with compassion, eager to relieve our suffering when asked to do so.
God is Persistent, Humorous; He Shows Mercy
God is mercy; the mercy that doggedly pursues me, waiting for me to turn back toward Him. It is this mercy that picks me up and dusts me off. Calls me worthy and welcome.
Doggedly is defined as grim persistence. It is how Marley pursued his fashionista earlier that day, and how God pursues each one of us. Marley refuses to give up on his mere mortal. He keeps waiting, keeps trying to get her attention. When she finally does see him, really stopping to acknowledge him, Marley wiggles with joy. He zooms around our feet, causing us to laugh at his pleasure.
God uses humor to connect with us too. Marley’s fashionista is named Marci. Which sounds an awful lot like mercy. Uh-huh, I see what you did there, God.
“But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
8 or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you.
9 Which of all these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?10 In his hand is the life of every creature
Job 12: 7-10
and the breath of all mankind.